Christmas Gift Toy & MySpace Layouts at pYzam.com

Been quiet of late with life. I haven't had a job for well over a month now. Went to a job fair recently and put out some resumes, was a good fair lot of businesses there. In my time off i've though about going back to college for a half year to take Geographical Information Systems (GIS) cause it seems to be a good field to be in, pay is well etc. So i've been crunchin numbers etc.

Been spendin my time playin socom and tryin not to spend much cash. My health has been on and off of late. Leaving tomorrow to go home to spend a few days with my parents and see a doctor finally. Find out something maybe for once.

In the last couple months also i've noticed that people no longer can laugh about a lot of things everyones straight up serious about everything, oh well. Also apparently third world hunger, global warming, war and other things have gone to the bottom of the list of things that we really need to take care of. Apparently wolves have become number one.

Gotta love them people who text threat you in chats also "If she heard this she'd kill you" i'm so sure that person would so kill me. Too much lawls there.

People are mad at me for what I say, hell i'm just sayin my opinion and what's on my mind. You don't have to read it or listen to it. Hell you don't like it you can go fly a kite. Can't take a joke, bite my left nut. Life isn't supose to be one big rush or stress out and I see these 17 year olds flipping out and runnin around like a chicken with there head cut off worrying about things. At 17 I never worried about anything and that's how it should be, but time moves on and things change. Oh well.

I'm amazed at the price of gas these last weeks also been 75.9 to 81.9 which is extremely low for this time of year, its almost bringing back memories of the old days.

Last night at 9:30pm I felt like shit. My neck was killing me and I had a pretty bad headache. So I went to bed and tried to sleep it off like usual with the help of some meds, asprin or tylenol.

At 2:30am everything gets worse, as suddenly I get hot sweats feeling like i'm standing on the sun, I proceed to dry heave a couple times and then catch my breathe. This happened about 3 times over the course of roughly 3 to 4 hours apart.

Aside from that also I felt dizzy as all hell, I thought that this was the end right there. It wasn't fun, and my chest is not in a great mood after the heaves.

I think it might time to consider a retreat and go back home to visit my doctor. Stay there and get things sorted out.

I don't think i've ever been this scared.

Well woke up late this afternoon, its been nice to sleep in, in a way but not so good in other ways as i'm unemployed. Woke up and searched the web for jobs. Not a whole lot in this city or any place for that matter.

Found some jobs though finally and tweaked my cover letter etc and sent them to them. Waiting for a reply from Microage to see if I get the job, I have a feeling my buddy Tom or someone else will beat me out for the job. I applied to some automotive warehouse for a job as well doing inventory etc for $11 to $14 an hour which seems alright. 32 hours a week. It will do to pay the bills.

I'm thinking about moving to Thunder Bay as well. I found a job offer with Nortek Computers there for $9 to $13 an hr. I figured i'd apply and see where that job goes.

Spent the night hangin with my buddy marc. Went and played an hour of pool at tophat then went to the mall to check out some stuff and he wanted some food. So we tooled around there. Went to Tim Hortons on Bay st. for coffee around 8:15pm it was dead when we showed up. Soon as we sat down everyone just poured in, it was odd. Looked around for a friend who works there, think I saw her, not sure. Oh well, shot the shit with my buddy marc about good old times in high school etc, basketball and other stuff.

Drove him home and now i'm here writting this up. Just kind of sitting around waiting for someone to call me about a job, so I have a lot of free time on my hands to do stuff. Yeah, well time to play some socom online.

Well today was a rocky ride for me. Woke up at 4am feeling like shit and giving the porcelean gods a few offerings then stumbling back to bed only to wake up at 8:10am, I had to be at work for 8:30am.

Showed up a little late but it was understandable because I explained things before. Then work was just crazy, lots of systems coming in for repairs and it seems a lot of systems didn't want to co-operate today. Had two hard drives die and two notebooks die. So there's a fair amount of work ahead tomorrow and I have to figure out how to take apart these laptops as i've never done it before.

Felt lightheaded again this morning almost didn't go to work but I needed the money and needed to find out if I get my time off as well, which is supose to be Wed, Thurs, Fri of the week after the 22nd. I'm only getting a week off of work to spend with the family but it should be good.

I'm still looking for a doctor as well, trying to get my friend to pull some favours for me and talk with his doc. I really need to see about this whole lightheaded shit going on with my neck and everything. This isn't a good thing.

Made chicken and herb rice with chicken in it for dinner tonight, it was pretty good along with a glass of ice tea. Just watching Poker Superstars III on Rogers Sportsnet. Get to sleep early again tonight. Things are working well at work though, I get along with everyone and I enjoy my job even though it does have its frustrations at times.

Got a card from Sedyah today in the mail much thanks as well, I would like to be down in Suds for the party but with my health I'd rather not risk it right now. Just incase something happens. Paycheck will be slim soon as I'm getting three days off but do get paid for xmas and boxing day which is nice. Thinking of buying a new tv after xmas, we have a nice one at the shop made by Acer it runs tv nice and makes a pretty nice computer screen.

Will see how the cards flop after xmas though.

Went into the emergency yesterday for a CT scan to check my head see if there was anything wrong. They put me on migrane meds again as part of the procedure so now i'm groggy as hell again. Things haven't changed though and they found nothing on the CT scan.

I don't know what else is wrong the only thing I could think is that its a pinched nerve in my neck or a pulled muscle or something of that sorts. I'm just worried with christmas coming up etc. Cause if I don't show up for work soon I may not get my time off. I've called in twice for work these last two days. I just wanna be home for xmas and be okay and everything.

If i'm going to die sometime soon i'd like to know so that I can atleast let everyone know who's close to me that I care about them and love them. It just scares me to think I could go so soon. Frankly medical has gone down the tubes I think. Who knows, all I know is that I feel tired lately and very light headed and i've been getting a good amount of sleep.

Who knows. That's all I have to say. This year has been a very twisting one. If I live to the new year I hope that 2007 is better and that I can be more happy than I was in 2006. I am somewhat religious in secret and do wish that someone up there will keep my arse alive and well. For now I will get some xtra sleep and hope that this spell of non feeling goes away. Cause being a computer tech I need both my arms functioning properly and this kind of spooks me.

Friday night was lost to a migrane....lovely. I had to leave work early and come home, left at 3:15pm and came home undressed and went straight to bed. I've slept from 3:30pm till 9:30am saturday morning. I feel better now but things are still a little weak.

I lost feeling in the right side of my body again, my right arm and part of my legs went numb for a bit not heavily numb but that I couldn't feel or sense things. Such as positioning on the floor as I was walking or if I gripped something like a stair rail or a piece of equipment. Also my right side of my face slurred. I don't know what causes these to come on so suddenly. It scares me sometimes.

I think it may have something to do with a plate in my neck. I really wish it was easier to get a doctor in this city, i'd rather not go to emergency unless its an emergency. Everything always seems to get weird with my body right around christmas though it seems.

Time to make something to eat anyways, need something to eat I haven't eatten since yesterday morning. Maybe my sinuses are causing the problem. I'm no doctor though.

Well it went by very fast. Work has kept me busy along with hanging with good friends from college who are back in town. Got xmas shopping done which was starting to become a pain in the ass but its done now so that's finished. Work is good, love the job and the people I work with. Its an awesome enviroment.

Plenty of snow flying now it actually is winter and not the weird weather of warmth we were having in November. My car has stood up nicely to the elements though so far in its first year of winter so far which i'm content with as the car I own is kind of old.

The pay has been good at work but I wish there were benefits that's the only thing missing. Oh well that's just a small stick in the road that I can work around. Gotta book my A+ test tomorrow, get that written before the stupid people at CompTIA change there test up.

As for other things in life and internet related. I lawls at the fact that people chew that they can't deal with there parents having sex and hearing it. Hey they own the place and make the rules, they wanna fuck it up there allowed to, they pay the bills and put the shit on the table. Sometimes we all need to just get away. Also more lawls with people chewing about art theft on deviantart etc. This is the internet, it happens. If you don't want people to steal your megabytes then don't post it online. Not hard, no need to get all whiney and start interwebz drama.

Well tomorrow is friday, another weekend. Should be fun and I get paid tomorrow. Mmmmm money. Tomorrow shall be busy at work, have to install a lot of mobo's and processors etc. Should eat up a fair amount of time at work and make the day go by fast. Anyways i'm off to bed as work will come soon enough.

Why is that every great woman I meet that I may have something in common with has to be a thousand miles away.

Why does distance have to be such a huge variable...

1. Explain what ended your last relationship?
Woman was too damn clingy and came from a broken family and was very loud as well.

2. When was the last time you shaved?
Monday morning at 10:15am cause my side burns were bothering me so had to have things lookin right and not stupid.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?
I was sleeping and dreaming of a better life in my warm bed.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
I was driving home in my 1995 Toyota Camry in the rain and listening to some country music station cause that's all my radio picks up lately.

5. Are you any good at math?
I blow at math horribly, besides the basics.

6. Your prom night?
Dancing the night away with my girlfriend and bouncing between two girlfriends one an ex-gf and the other my current as I had feelings and at the end of the night I felt kind of shitty.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
yeah my grandpa Heinze was kind of famous you could say, he was a damn good chef.

8. Have you had to take a loan out for school?
Yeah $40,000 over 4 years. I thank my parents everyday for paying it off.

9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
Who needs myspace, its more like a waste of space.

10. Last thing received in the mail?
my credit card company sent me some bullshit.

11. How many different beverages have you had today?
Ice tea, chocolate milk and tim horton's double/double twice.

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine?
Yeah all the time.

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
Our Lady Peace

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Yeah its fun to watch the waves take it away.

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
A cavity I had filled the damn dentist poked a nerve and I nearly ripped the arm off the dentist chair.

16. What is out your back door?
Back door? lawls, I live in a basement but I guess you could say a hallway of sorts and some stairs, a shoe rack full of shoes and a green bin for recyclables.

17. Any plans for Friday night?
Food, D&D possibly, hanging with friends. Its the usual shit. It helps me stay a little sane.

18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
Never been to the ocean so I have no idea.

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns?
Nope but I wish I did. Mmmm popcorn.

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Never been to one but they seem cool.

21. Do you re-use towels after you shower?
Yeah, for a couple days then I wash em cause they smell.

22. Some things you are excited about?
Possible woman in my life again, and I may feel love again.

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Vanilla jello pudding is my fav.

24. Describe your keychain(s)?
I have a Dell On Call keychain attached to a hiking harness belt thing with my I love New York keychain on it with my car key on it and another keychain with my apartment keys on it.

25. Where do you keep your change?
In two retro 70s dishes in my bedroom on my armoir

26. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
Intuit Town Hall at work.

27. What kind of winter coat do you own?
Its yellow with black shoulders, it kind of reminds me of the jackets the power rangers used to wear in one of the series.

28. What was the weather like on your graduation day?
It was sunny but not too warm on all my grad days.

29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Wide open because i'm the only one who lives here.

Well it has been a different change of things this thanksgiving weekend for me. Went back to my hometown to see the parents for the weekend ended travelling up to Thunder Bay to go to a wedding of a friend of my brothers. Had a great time, took lots of pictures. Too bad my brother couldn't have been there he missed out on a lot of good fun with his friends from high school.

I got to see a lot of people I haven't seen in a long time and blew a few peoples faces away as they hadn't seen me in a long time as well. The food was excellent, pretty good music and good drinks as always. Got to hang out with my parents a bit. The big kicker though was my car screwing up and wrecking my last day which was today in Thunder Bay. I was hoping to stick around and see my friend Brittany and Tara. But alas I only got to see Tara. Which was cool though we shot the shit and had some good laughs during the little time we spent.

As for my car, on saturday morning while at future shop checking out some stuff, I came back out to my car to find a lovely little puddle of green fluid from the front of my car. As I suspected the radiator is leaking. So we spent the night between the wedding and the reception patching it up only to find out that the patching stuff only worked on steel and not on plastic which the radiator's head piece is made from plastic. So I put some junk in my radiator to plug up the hole temporarly which took 30 mins for it to take effect and it held until I got back to my hometown atleast. So it looks like I'll have my parents vehicle for a little while until my dad can get me the new radiator and get my cousin to install it. Which is gonna cost me $200.

Oh well, other than my car it has been a pretty fun weekend and a good relaxation away from my stupid job. As of Friday my job was also put in jeopardy when I missed another day of work, they want medical documentation of my stress/anxiety attacks and my migranes cause I've apparently missed a considerable amount of time because of it which is a piss off. I don't really care that much. My job does suck a lot. But meh life is pretty decent as of now. Well time for some relaxing and then a 5 hr drive tomorrow.

Well fall has arrived and its given me a cold, I feel like crap. Not in the mood to go to work tomorrow but have ta, need the cash as usual to pay atleast some of the bills. Still contimplating if I should take my A+ certification test yet or not. I think I should study more. Going to Thunder Bay in two weeks time to see Pandaesque and Reija as well as going to a wedding of a friend of my brothers. It has been sometime since i've been in Thunder Bay. I'm sure nothing has changed that much in that city. Will be nice to get back home to Schreiber and see my parents and family. I miss that town a lot and wish I could live there but alas there are no jobs for anyone there really. Besides the ones that are already taken or ones that are slowly dying out like my dad's job at the Terrace Bay pulp mill. I've come up with a great idea for a Canadian movie, been writting it down. I think I may submit the idea to someone in the Canadian movie industry at some point. See if it goes somewhere.

Anyways i've been hanging in there, life isn't super grand but I have my fun points with friends and it doesn't always take money to have fun as i've learned after this year of college that I finished last April. I wish I could go back to college at some points but that's just cause I haven't gotten a job yet in my field and that has put me in a very big rutt, the same one that my father has been in for a while just until about 3 or 4 weeks ago when he went back to his job after being off since January. There are a lot of people though that have kept me going through these rough times, especially my parents and my brother who gave me a swift kick in the ass, which i'm 50/50 about at times, but it was kind of the truth. I just keep applying to jobs hoping to get a reply back, only one so far and it wasn't worth it for what they were paying for me to travel all the way out to British Columbia at my expense. Anyways I think i'll continue to watch football on tv as the Seattle Seahawks are pounding the New York Giants 42-9...which is hilarious. Damn you Deon Branch for leaving New England because of money.


( Funky Survery I took from Pandaesque... )

Anyways, I'm still spinning in limbo and friday comes up tomorrow its hard to decide if I should spend the $1000 on this laptop:

Dell Inspiron 6400

- Dual core Centrino Chip 2x 2Ghz, 2 Mb Cache
- 100 Gb, 7200 RPM SATA Hard Drive
- 1 Gb DDR-2 Ram, 2 x 512 Dual Channel
- DVD Burner
- 256 Mb ATI Mobility X-1400 with Hyper Memory
- Intel Pro Wireless Network
- 9 Cell Li-ion Battery over 4 hours run time
- 15.4" Ultra Sharp SXGA Screen with True Life
- Carbon Fiber Lid
- Wireless optical mouse
- Windows XP Home
- 10 months warranty left
- Deluxe Carry Case

Or should I just hang on to it and hold out for a while as cash flow isn't exactly awesome but I do have some side cash. Its driving me nuts, I have to let the guy know by tomorrow if i'm going to pay for it or if he can put it on the chopping block for others. I've been wanting a decent laptop for a while too. Damn my mom and her penny pinching ways.

You grow up with dreams and ambitions and plans to do everything like your invincible. Suddenly the years pass and you grow up and things change. People change, you change you grow and go to college spending everything for four years of life believing your doing that right thing, taking that right step. The plan you had all set in motion pieces coming together like the perfect puzzle.

Then when everything finishes and your done college and figure that just maybe things are heading on the right direction everything becomes a train wreck and the luck that you had all along just fades and runs out. Money becomes the only concern as you stumble and fall to hold on to life to live, eat, have a place to sleep and entertainment in life. Watching those around getting engaged, or married, or go on trips to places that one can not very well afford. It eats away at the insides of ones self.

Eventually fading into a darkness blacker than the night sky without the glow of the moon, devouring everything that was ever ment to be. People tell you hope will come and things will change, waiting and waiting. Nothing ever does change and that hope becomes false. You gain hope again and yet the first fruit of my parents loins, my brother yet brings in reality again only to kill some of that small light that existed.

Feeling numb, alone, cold and walking a path all on my own with no one there besides me. It tis a lonely journey and a story that shall soon come to an end all too soon. The recycled cycle life lives on eat, sleep, work, no love, no greeting at the end of the day just an empty cave with meaningless belongings. Without play and without love one cannot exist very long and will then blow away like dust in the wind and all that was of small towns, paradise and the people who lived there and were once happy.

Go ahead and fill it out.

1.Your Full Name:

2. Age:

3. Single or Taken:

4. Favorite Movie:

5 Favorite Song:

6. Favorite Band/Artist:

7. Dirty or Clean:

8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:

HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

1. Do we know each other outside of myspace?

2. Whats your philosophy on life?

3. Would you have my back in a fight?

4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?

5. What is your favorite memory of us?

6. Would you give me a kidney?

7. Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you:

8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?

9. Can we get together and make a cake?

10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately?

11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?

12. Do you think I'm a good person?

13. Would you drive across country with me?

14. Do you think I'm attractive?

15. If you could change anything about me, would you?

16. What do you wear to sleep?

17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?

18. Would you go on a date with me if i asked you?

19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?

20. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

I fell off the high wall tonight. I just can't take my job anymore. Working in a call center being pushed around from campaign to campaign never having a steady job and feeling degraded and not being paid well and brain washed with all kinds of lies. So I sat here tonight after going to bed at 10pm and tossing and turning I came out to my computer sat for a few minutes and just kind of completely lost it in the glow of my computer monitor.

So I decided to do the hardest thing in life and owe up to the mistake I feel i've made by being hard headed and emailed my parents to let them know how I felt as over the phone I tend to just fall apart when talking with my parents to the point where I can't speak cause i'm so choked up as i'm an emotional person. I feel bad because my parents put forth an investment in me and I told them that the course I was taking was prospectful and that I would have a job.

Its been almost 6 months now and out of 50+ applications I have only managed to recieve one reply from a company for a job out in Fernie, BC and the pay is iffy and so are the benefits and moving expenses so I don't even know if I will take the job as it may just put me six feet under.

I just don't know what to do with my life now and I feel bad that my parents invested 4 years and $40,000 of there life into me, sure I have diplomas so it wasn't a total waste but I wanted to show them that I could exist on my own and it seems that I can't yet because I can't even get a decent paying job so I can afford bills, rent and food. They are currently paying my groceries, car insurance and phone all while my job is currently out of a job until tuesday of this week.

I just don't know what to do anymore with my life, myself or anything else...its all just heading for one big black hole and this call center life I don't wanna be stuck in till i'm 58 years old and can retire hell I couldn't retire at 58 on what call centers pay, hell I might as well live on the street in my car...

I sit here wondering what happened to that great plan I had set out only four months ago. It seems that nothing can go right for me in these last two years. I haven't been able to sleep well of late, everything just kind of eats away at me from the inside out and the little bit eatting me outside shows on my scared body. I've pretty much lowered my expectations with jobs down into the deepest hole in the earth. As i've only had one response from like 100+ jobs of applied to.

This call center job is nothing but a joke with its 7am-3pm training and the $9.50/hr I make plus comission if I can sell enough shit on the floor when I get out there in two weeks. I've pretty much given up on everything for now, just don't really care what happens now.

My brother shows up tomorrow for two days to visit before heading back home for his friends wedding. I'll be home during the wedding but probably won't see much of him because he is master of ceremonies. After this weekend with my brother i'll probably end up drinking this all away and on monday when I go back to work it will all just recycle itself again.

My stomach came back in Sudbury to exact vengance on me last weekend to fuck up everything so that was pretty much my main reason for leavin early, which i'm still bitter with myself about. I feel retarded for it all, but sometimes I just feel I don't fit in, in places.

Either way i'm tired of all the stress, sleepless nights alone and dealing with shit always hitting the fan in some form. If I could sleep till the day things turn around I would do it right now. If this is what's left for me in this life let the darkness consume my heart and bring me a swift death so I may no longer suffer heartache and chest pains and the lovely vomitting and dry heaves, and get away from taking the pills and using all the damn stupid medications and the migranes....and the drugs associated with that crap. My liver is probably nothing by now.

Its 11:32pm....I better try and get some sleep as I have to be up at 5:30am to get ready for another day of work again. Silence is priceless in the dark but only when you have another beside you to share it with.

If anyone tells me off tomorrow I don't really care, if I get fired all the merrier. Who knows maybe I just won't even go into work because frankly that place has killed the last bit of self esteem I had, everyday I walk in there I feel more degraded just by knowning that I can't afford to live on the paycheck I make. Life is shit then you die, I hope it comes swiftly.

In the end I truely feel the pain that my dad is going through with his lack of his job, he's lucky though, 8 months to retirement when he goes back to his job in september. I miss being a teenager and carefree... whoever said money can't buy happiness was wrong, it bought me a lot of things including that, not being able to have fun just kills living all together. Life shouldn't always be about work....

Well life has sped up for me lately with many things being planned through this month. Well this weekend i'm going down to Sudbury to hang out with a few people I've never met before but are good net pals as well as seeing my grandma which I haven't seen much of in the last couple years and about 3 weeks ago when I went to Sudbury to get my car that was hers. Also should be a little drinking involved, good thing I get my paycheck this week. Hopefully its fairly big. Probably going to have to put off buying the new notebook i've been wanting.

Also going back to my hometown of Schreiber at the end of the month to get my car fixed up, good high school friend of mine does body work now for a living and offered me a deal of $350 to fix up my two rear wheel wells and touch up a lot of paint problems etc. So the car should look a lot better, just hope I can come up with the $350, shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Been studying for A+ certification a bit, its hard to get back into studying again with everything going on in my life lately with work, travel and friends etc. Gotta push forward with it though, I really need this certification to get out of this rutt.

Started a Friday Night poker league in my Sutherland Intuit Quickbooks training class at my training class buddy Eric's so $10 buck buyin, $5 for poker and $5 for food and beverage. Good deal. Tomorrow is Thursday so its $14 bowling night, Subway and Churchill Lanes bowling. Should be fun as usual, hopefully I throw a better game this time. They always give us the damn end lanes and they suck.

Work is still killing my sleeping with the humidity in my basement apartment so 7am-3pm training classes hurt like no tomorrow. I pretty much had to crawl out of bed to the shower this morning, I didn't think I was going to survive through the day but I made it.

Its been nothing but lack of sleep for me. Its been so warm lately in my basement apartment for some odd reason. Enherited a fish for the weekend, its my landlords. He asked me to feed it till monday. Its cool to watch, keeps me company.
I am not used to 7am-3pm training. So my sleeping pattern is just screwed over.

Tomorrow at 10am I have an interview with Staples Business Depot out on Great Northern Rd. Hopefully things go well and they decide to either have a second interview or just straight up hire me and pay me better wages than working for Sutherland.

My training at Sutherland of late has been Quickbooks sales. So getting to know all the Quickbooks packages etc and how to sell them to businesses and junk.

I really need to focus on getting my A+ certification, cause it seems without that little piece of $300 paper I can't get a job anywhere, even though the test isn't really credible anymore as the passing grade is 50%.

Not sure on the whole going to Sudbury venture next weekend yet. See how I feel and what goes on. Right now though i'm just hoping for a better job and a better life. If things fall apart here I think I am definatly packing it up this time. Going home to drop off some stuff and then just book it out to British Columbia for a while.